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Jinggy
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Name: La DIYOSA
Birthday: 10/24/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Bboyin, singin, shoppin, staring [yeah, i know it's weird..] Yosi, my stress reliever!!
Expertise: Staying awake & brushin my teeth
Occupation: Call Center Agent, Barista
Message: message me
Yahoo:  bgirljinx
Member Since:
8/13/2002
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| So there you go.. I think I might have actually missed the part wherein I'd have to get up and live my life again. Pathetic is more likely what you would actually describe my existence. Ugh.. Ndi naman siguro.. But the point is.. Once you fall, you'd have to get up and try to make your life better. Right? Man.. Has it been that long? A year and 11 months of being stupid? OMG. That is SO NOT you, Jinx. So not.. So why am I actually beefing about calling it off? I guess I could say that he has actually touched my life, at some point? I think? And besides, yeah. I DID love him. Truly, madly and deeply. I guess I just gave too much. I gave him every single bit of my life. See now I can't move. Like am paralyzed er somethin. But time heals everything, right? Man.. I'll just have to wait for the day when I would actually stop caring and hurting, huh? That might take a long time, though.. It's so hard. I kept on denying it to myself that I didn't get hurt. But yeah, I actually got hurt. Badly.
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| H O M E.
It's what they usually say as: "..where the heart is.."
Well, unfortunately, to me it's not. It's where I get my things from.
Where I feed my stomach. Where I do my 'internet-related' stuff. Where
I live coz I don't have money to spend for myself yet.. to buy my own
house.. to feed myself and to pay for bills. In short, it's like an
all-expense-paid stay in a HOTEL. But other than that, I doubt you'd
wanna know.
This
house I live in isn't much of a 'home' to me. Yes, it sure is one hell
of an expensive house filled with so much priceless things. It's like a
mall lost in the middle of Quezon City. It looks so perfect, I'd just
love to burn it. When you look at it from the outside, it's such a
beauty. It's amazing. It's the perfect shelter whenever there's a storm
or whatever Mother Nature might wanna throw on it. But to me, it's just
money, prejudice and pride molded into one strong house. Yes, just a
HOUSE.
I feel uncomfortable
whenever I'm in here. Like I'm THE CRIMINAL trapped in the house.
That's the reason why I rarely bring friends over. It's because it's
not MY
home. We(my friends & I) feel as though there's always an
interrogation going to happen. Even when it comes to MY parties I,
myself, am not comfortable of having my family and friends together in
one room. Because as much as my relatives would deny it.. They're too
judgemental. They judge everyone that they see. Even the way one wears
a thing, a relative couldn't resist to make a comment. It's as if this
clan is always SUPERIOR than any other. It's like no other family is allowed to live in this world but ours..
I've
tried living at my Dad's too. I wouldn't say it was perfect, but it's a
bit better than here. It's not a home to me either, but I can, without
a doubt, bring my friends over without my brothers sticking their noses
out to see if my friends are any good to their expectations. There is
no tension whatsoever. No feeling of interrogation. There's no longer
the feeling of being The Criminal.
I might look rich with my skin and all the features I got from my parents. But truly, I'm just what I feel like I am. I am SIMPLE. I like simple things. Simple things by means of living it, not having it.
Simple living, perfect word. I don't ask alot. It just seems like it
because I got used to having what I want when I was still young.
Spoiled. Yes, spoiled by everyone who I've lived with. I had everything
that I've wanted. I even got the chance to go to school but I blew it. That's the ONLY TREASURE I
got and now I've lost it.That actually, is what I still regret up to
this day. I know I can always go back. But the time that's been
wasted.. Is just too much to have gone lost. And now, what's left here
with me is a baby. I could consider it a regret, but I chose not to.
Unlike mine, I'd want my baby's childhood to be just what my heart wants to achieve.. To live simply. Just the basics. Just the essentials. I could only ask so much from God. And the only thing I'd want is a simple life.
Just like this home I've considered.. It doesn't have an air-con, tv,
refrigerator, gas stove, washing machine, microwave or any other
appliances. It's just simple. It's freakin' hot during the day, yet so
cold during the night because of the fresh air. It doesn't offer much
but a shelter during a storm. BUT. It is the home I've always seeked.
It is the home of where I found true happiness. It is WHERE my HEART IS.
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| My.. Gawd.. I
dunno what's happening to me.. I've been the queen of all Laziness for
the past 3 months. If I had been anything.. I'd be anything BUT hard-working. I don't even think I have the initiative to make a
difference in my life. I dunno. I'd hate to blame it on my boi. But
come to think of it.. I only began to be like this when he and I
started dating. Hmm.. But I know I shouldn't think of it as something
like that.. Probably.. My 'out-of-schoolness' brought me these
intolerable acts.. Ain't that right?! Yeah. I do think that it's the
number one reason. Shit. Now I gotta go to school. I don't hate it.. I
just think I'm not yet ready for it. Atleast, not YET. I will be.. I
know I WILL be. Sooner or later. | | |
| Joshua
is
beginning
to
PISS
Me
Off.
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